don’t buy your pies from the store unless you are a horrible baker and all of your guests are horrible bakers.
when you host a thanksgiving dinner, don’t be one of those hosts that also attends like, OTHER PEOPLE’s thanksgivings. if you host, you roast. that means no getting some other toast.
definitely an all day affair, let people come and go as they please because most likely they have to go to more than one thanksgiving dinner because they are awesome.
the kids don’t need another table, they need a separate room with a lifeguard present.
don’t put the teenagers at the kids table, it gets awkward.
don’t have more than one of the same entree or side dish, if it’s pie it’s ok to have more than one pie.
you HAVE to watch the parade. definitely record it and you need to watch football even if you don’t like football.
don’t have christmas decorations out before the day after thanksgiving. not even the boxes.
don’t have any leftover halloween candy or decorations out. (that’s lame)
if your house isn’t fully decorated, you shouldn’t be hosting, you should eat thanksgiving somewhere else or admit you have nowhere else to turn to.
when cooking your turkey don’t put the stuffing in the turkey, it may be an age old tradition, but actually it’s been proven that you can get food poisoning that way. the best recipes for turkey cooking are turkey brining (takes forever and doesn’t actually taste that wonderful) smoked turkey, and the most popular, though i’ve never tried it is deep fried turkey
always keep the skin on the turkey, there are many people whose guilty pleasure is eating turkey skin.
make sure to remove all household animals from running wild throughout the house during the meal. distractions aren’t a wonderful way to remember to give thanks for an entire year of ungrateful behavior.
say a prayer to the Lord at the beginning of the meal. Make sure everyone is seated during this prayer and that it lasts for less than 2 minutes. People who can smell the food which has been freshly cooked don’t want to hear a monotonous voice drone on and on about how the safety of life jackets saved their life in the summer of 1967 during a wild storm on the lake in their pontoon boat.
Make sure that everyone who is able clears their own plate at the end of the meal, it saves time and makes people who are wanting to go ahead and watch the parade again able to leave the table sooner rather than continue hearing about a terrible storm and the invention of life jackets and their importance be able to do so at any time rather than sit there for 3 hours after everyone has finished eating. And then another thing, Not everyone one wants to watch old gramma finish her pie, we all know it takes her 45 minutes to eat a slice of pecan pie. She wasn’t even talking. Sitting patiently at the table isn’t really necessary. She wasn’t even aware you were there anyway.
Be very gracious to every guest who enters your *loving* home. Make sure no one goes upstairs and no one uses any OTHER bathrooms. There are only a few areas of the house that should be used and only the people who ACTUALLY live in the house full time should go in the OFF LIMITS areas.
Sometimes people bring an unexpected plus one, the more the merrier. Just make sure they don’t have any pending criminal charges!
Don’t expect your guests to be amazing chefs. The reason they probably came to your house is because they believed you could do a better job at thanksgiving than they could. It was either that or they needed to save time and rest for black friday.
Don’t worry if people show up at around 11 am and are ready to eat. Some people want to get an EARLY start on their holiday shopping.
Some people need to get leftovers and eat it on a different day because they have to work all weekend. Too bad. Thanksgiving I have a job right?
Some people fall asleep on your living room floor after eating. Turkey has a lot of chemicals which cause people to fall straight to sleep. What you didn’t realize was that the snore fest was going to begin during the football game. Luckily you planned ahead and you bought some earmuffs. From the NRA.
Everyone loves hot cider, Hot cocoa, and Hot Coffee. The great thing about these drinks is that you can make them ahead of time in a slow cooker and then you can keep them in the fridge and heat them up by serving in the microwave Well for the coffee you can use a percolator.
Sometimes people want to visit family that lives far away on thanksgiving and they end up wasting an entire day of thanksgiving traveling instead of giving thanks. Well give thanks for roads cars planes and all the police and service men who help upkeep these methods of travel! Though it seems odd, thanksgiving is probably the roughest day to travel every year, there’s so much snow and ice on the roads. It’s much better to travel by train or plane.
With the ability to chat with your family on a huge 4K LCD TV, it might be better to stay at home on thanksgiving and just spend the entire day chatting with them via FaceTime.