from my persepective
everything about it would be different
perhaps i would be a boyman with two girlfriends i’m pining after and i’m famous and the two girls aren’t
perhaps what is preventing the relationship is totally different.
but everything else is the same. my paranoia
maybe i’m actually paranoid instead of it being real.
maybe that’s the problem
maybe two girls don’t find a famous boyman being paranoid attractive
unlike the fact that i would find a paranoid famous boyman attractive
see we are all nerds here so the difference in character has got to be exactly switched around correctly like it was done in the jungle book.
perhaps my vision is that the two girls i’m in love with i want them to be with me and they can’t because they are corrupt and my friends don’t allow me to be with corrupt people
perhaps the girls actually want to poison me
or i think they do
i don’t know
i’m freaking out
maybe you are freaking out
maybe you think i want to poison you.
see the truth is if we were to ever get coffee or coke i would allow you to bring your body guards choose an undisclosed location of your choice that i had no idea of beforehand and drive me to a different state if necessary and basically watch my every move because i have no idea how to poison anyone.
in fact it was my previous friend who i’m not longer associated with who told me you might be thinking i was trying to poison you and i was like, WHAAAA?
i didn’t even realize that was an issue.
i forgot about the whole anthrax mail thing.
like i’m giving you this piece of paper and you are like afraid for your life or something.
they gave me the piece of paper.
i could have died if it had anthrax.
anyways i welcome you to poison my drink if you think i’m trying to poison you
but please don’t because then we will never be happy together
and this entire journey that i was on would have been a waste for everyone especially the possible body guards that i don’t even know if you have i just assume bc i saw some big dudes at some theatre.
plus you are him so i’d assume you’d need like a driver and a body guard.
anyways i honestly just love eating and i wanted to share a coke with you bc i love the poem and i really don’t think hummus is a normal food source but if it’s honestly your favorite “food” i would love to eat that with you. i do also like hummus.
i’d really though prefer to eat moroccan food because they have this nutty mixture i kept ordering that you mix with olive oil and you probably really could poison me that way
also i only take rx drugs even though i’ve written about drugs so much
i write about drugs because i have druggy experiences while not being on drugs so i can be trippy while not being trippy which is really unhealthy if you think about it bc i have no clue what is actually happening to my brain so.
i HATE pot
i really do
it’s like um
glue to my brain cells
and i don’t mean like sniffing glue i have never sniffed glue
i mean like it glues my brain cells together and everything is slow and trippy and i can’t think and i get a headache it is shitty.
i don’t want to experiment i just want my klonopin a reg dose
and if i get really freaked out by you i’m going to need a xanax
i’m aware that you aren’t really supposed to combine them but my doctor does it anyways so take it up with him.
i have issues with anxiety medications.
anyways i was just thinking
coffee, coca cola, and like you know morrocan food not a date i can’t handle a date
i dont’ even like
we haven’t even hung out
i think we should hang out somewhere with your body guards present so there’s no weird shit
and just pick up some food and drinks and just sit and eat and watch films and television and talk and possibly sit on the same futon or couch or something
that has been my intention since like 4 years ago
that to me doesn’t seem like that out of the question to me
like as friends like not asking any favors
like going dutch
like seriously listen to music very softly on some really high quality speakers and smoking hookah possibly next time
and going to sleep before 10 pm
like absolutely no partying please don’t ask me to dance
please don’t watch me dance
we should not have sex
we should not even hold hands that’s too much information physically
we should eat and talk and when it is too much i or you leave and we think about it seperately somewhere else