the world is too big to be that small – title WORK IN PROGRESS

hard hats required….

Forwarned was she who entered the house of thee who coveted the attention of all who waited on the power of we.

For those who shallowly dipped their toes into the throngs of sins and songs and woes, they did not care forswear it so, and so it goes the bellows of the mellow yellow fellow.

I waited and wrote and I sang like a rocking boat, and the tides drifted here and there and it felt like infinite cause and passing of time, but time was an illusion of my mind. The growth of the weeds plucked from the gardens of songs of lyres and flutes, the offtunes and offbeats they just made white noise and I hated that, and I swatted at those symphonic players like a fly.




Are you satisfied?

Oh my goodness, it’s that time again.

the time when yet once upon a time I lift the pen.

my fingers reach toward the keys, begin to type,

so many letters pour out, weeping, sweeping across the page, ink, fonts, writing, it’s in the way of what I’m trying to say.

i miss you once again you see, and that’s why I have addressed this love letter to thee. For this queer reason you are the most important thing, I protect you, though you never respond, write, back, give a damn, and everything you do is one-sided, making me come to you.

you are this knightly person, a gentleman of sorts, of higher stature, ego, a maniac, not someone who would be seen with a middle class person suburban girl, someone like me. I’m this odd one eccecntric, I drive everyone away, leave me alone I always say, the phrase of the day, scrabble is your thing, mind games are mine, give me a riddle, and I may never solve it but if it’s romantically related to you and I I’ll sit here overthinking the problem for the rest of my life, you just think about the words I say and why I said then nothing more nothing less, not a deeper thing like what is she thinking about and does she want me right now?

im lying here half naked ready to go but you aren’t here so I’m not satisfied.

i could please myself partially and I’ll try again but the point is until we are together in bed it’s not a win win.

just think about my self awareness. If I saw naked pictures of myself on a tabloid id laugh as long as we were happy, we stayed that way we had each other, through all the dark days. Stop worrying about what you’ll do to me bc you are doing it now, if you don’t stop you’ll always be doing it someway somehow.


i miss you.



last night i went to sleep with one thing on my mind,

erasing you you for all time

this morning i woke up and there you were

in my thoughts, in my dreams, consumed by you completely.

i tried to change the subject, move on get away.

let’s leave i told myself, you aren’t worth it i tried to speak to you,

you don’t like me you are too busy.

i’m annoyed by you.

i was distracted all day

most of the time you were far gone, but now as i return to sleep, here you are, hello.

and i just wish that you were here.

your birthday wish

after all these years you wanted one thing

a bear hug from you to me

you wanted my hug firm, for me to hug you back

you wanted me so dearly to love you back

you just don’t understand how much i do grandma

mema, i named you that, i called you that, i have always loved you.

i used to have fantasy adventures in your gardens

and explore imaginary castles.

i stole your stationary and used up all your stamps to send letters to fake people

they would never receive them and i wasted your 2 cents.

all of your envelopes were all over your floor,

you scolded, yelled at me…

i cried, never more.

you made me hot chocolate and coconut pie,

i didn’t want the merengue, you never understood why

you ate it for me, you loved it so much

you were such a wonderful cook those days, your fried chicken, and gravy… mmm yum.

i have pictures of when i was too young to remember of a picnic we had out on the ranch

it was just me and you and we crawled in the grass.

you were there my whole life and we took each other for granted.

but today’s your birthday mama, and i know it, i’m celebrating.

i want you to realize, if you are loopy, crazy, demented, it’s ok.

i’m with you there. i live in the hospital too a lot.

i see doctors and get confused. i’m compared to elderly patients or toddlers,

the same way you are.

i get in arguments about things with my dad and he’s your son,

we all worry about each other, we all care, we all love.

but today is your birthday, it’s all for you, i’ll give you what you want to do, anything for you!

chapter 4

Eliza had somehow found her way home after having drinks with her two new partners in crime. She told them everything.

She explained about the call she received from her ex, she explained the raises they would receive if they became stonger faces of the company, but they would have to step it up a notch, they would have to be seen with her all the time, not only did she feel like they were her friends, but she wasn’t paying them to be her friends, she was paying them to be her emplyees, being her friend was something that just happened out of the blue.

They agreed that they trusted her, she was of course CEO, and the face of the company and many other things. They wanted to try being her friends. Eliza woke up extremely hungover and found that her two new friends were in her bed, and she went to the bathroom and found out that she wasn’t the only one who was sick. Luckily, it was time for her maid, who came once every three days to pop by, and drop off some essentials as well as clean the entire loft. Thank goodness because Eliza really needed these girls by her side when she was going to be going to college. She hadn’t quite asked them yet if they had received bachelor’s degrees. She was going to have to find a reason why the company needed to pay for their educations in full. Scholarships given out “randomly” to the CEO’s two best friends who all happened to be going to the same university. “someone would definitely notice.

Maybe her family could secretly donate. She needed them there not only for moral support but because – #partnersincrime.

Now not only would she have to worry about her own application, she would have to worry about theirs. But, how many people would turn down yet another free bachelor’s degree if they were going to be spending all of their time with their brand new best friend? She didn’t know anyone who would.

She got out her diary-

Morning thoughts….

Only a couple of days until the board meeting and not only will I have to run the company but I have to research this egyptian remnant, and volume and whatever other mysteries await in the family library, and many other renovations will be made. AH HA. I will pay my friends to be my personal assistants and employees by paying for their educations! As long as they accept my offer. We will of course be very busy ladies.

I need to reach out to my Aunt Genevieve. We haven’t spoken since My mother’s last affair. I will have to set up a tea.


Eliza emailed dragged her phone off of the nightstand and opened her email account and ignored all of the EMERGENCY emails which she would address after writing her email to her aunt…


FROM: Eliza

Subject: I know it’s been a long time…

Dear Auntie Gen,

I miss you so, Please do me the honor of accepting my invitation to tea at the Russian tea room in one week for their annual spring tea. I can make a reservation as soon as you wish. I would like to introduce you to my friends, and employees. They are very valuable assets and I promise I’m not asking you for anything. I honestly would just like to put the water under the bridge and spend some time with you!



Eliza hit send and returned to her inbox so she could address some other immediate things.

an email from her grandfather –

this is interesting…

To: Eliza

From: Grandpa R.

Subject: I know what you are up to

Dear Eliza, I had you followed when you went to the library, and I know what you left with because my guard checked out the entire place because I’ve had it inventoried. Please don’t mess with things. This magic you are dealing with is Necromancy, and it’s extremely dangerous. You might think that it’s not a big deal because it’s old, and not recoverable, and it’s a scientific find, but the thing is Eliza, I have researched, it, our family made ourselves big by using this and we don’t need to have blood money anymore. If this magic got into the wrong hands they could bring back, Hitler, Osama, or any such of a person. People aren’t trustworthy. I trust you to give this to me, and I will destroy it. After you close this email it will immediately be deleted as will the knowledge of it’s existence.

Eliza – I raised you, I have guided you. I have protected you. I love you. Please believe me when I say there are other things you can do with your life than chase after horrible sinful things such as this.

Love, Grandfather R.

Eliza closed it and the email was gone.

She returned to her inbox and found an email from her father.

To: Eliza

From: Dad

Subject: Something is wrong

Your mother is sick. She has cancer. She might die. I think you need to come see her as soon as possible. I didn’t want to but after I saw her I realized that she cared.

Please do me this favor, we brought you into this world. I won’t forsake you after this. I love you forever.



Eliza thought that was extremely strange.

Eliza had went to her mother’s house the other day and she was acting totally normal.

She started to get paranoid. Was her father watching her as well? Maybe he knows the family secret too….

Eliza couldn’t speak of any of this to anyone. She couldn’t be sure if the email she got from Grandpa was really from him, and she didn’t know why dad was saying that. She would visit her mom, but she would be protected and she would hide her belongings in a lock box at the bank before she did anything.

This was getting out of hand.

TO: Eliza

From: Beta Board INT

Subject: Meeting Rescheduled

Eliza please note that we heard of your recent termination of one Marco Polo, (yes we do realize how annoying this is), and we commend you on how you handled it, the public has heard of a press report of his behavior, he went to the paparrazzi with claims of unfair termination and threats to sue the company of wrongful termination. Obviously we have the whole thing on video, and even though you were seen whispering into a co workers ear before the “mis-hap” happened, there is no evidence that the coffee spill was purposeful, and if he does sue the company, we think that we don’t need to keep it private, because it’s more embarrasing to Marco than it is to our company, and we will be happy to supply our lawyers with all of the security footage that day, and there is nothing incriminating to any of us at all. Even if he tries to claim that we fired him because of his race, sitting next to him is another person of color and you didn’t fire him. The whole situation is extremely obvious. Not only will we be giving the employees you were with that day a promotion, but we will be discussing the events that took place that day and pushing the Sun-Ray meeting until the next week. Please be in attendance. Thank you for pointing out some obvious hiring errors.

-The Board

To: Beta Board INT.

From: Eliza

Subject: Rescheduled Meeting

I would like to apologize for this inconvenience to the entire Sun-Ray crew and their team, and I appreciate your thanks, and I’m so thankful that the situation was under control. Not only am I glad that you agree with my choice of helpful employees, but I don’t just want to promote these two hardworking, talented women.

I have great plans for these individuals. I have spent some time getting to know these ladies outside of work and I not only want to hire them personally to become more of what the public sees when they see Beta INT. but I want them to join me when I go back to university so that the public can see that some of our employees have earned the right to free educations. I think this move (only giving 2 people) free degrees, but offering future scholarships to others at their school of choice, and encouraging our employees to reach higher and become well educated, is extremely important.

These ladies will be my muse, and inspiration for many upcoming projects and I want to take to the skies. I will need help running things while I’m gone and I am not just talking about the entire company, I’m talking about Sun-Ray. I chose these ladies to be co-chairs of that team. I will still remain figurehead and continue keeping my investments and remain active on the board, but I will not be able to continue running every single thing that happens while I’m at school which is why I’d like to appoint a temporary CEO for a period of 4 years to start.

I will then be re-appointed by obligation after the period of 4 years, and if I need more time I will re-appoint the same person or someone else if they are doing a good job with BETA.

I also need to inform you as my last action (which is not yet taking place as the paperwork has not been signed) will be to merge with ? Records and with that aquistion we will become the new Rockefeller International Holdings.

I will need my personal lawyer to assist me with all of these changes.

I will need to appoint someone personally who is on the board currently so I will do that at the board meeting.
Thank you all for your hard work and talent that you contribute to my favorite company in the ENTIRE world!


Eliza R.

CEO Beta International




“Nothing’s for certain yet….” eliza whispered to herself…


“Oh nothing.

Eliza called her lawyer and explained all of what was happening from the kitchen where she was able to get a bowl of cereal and some coffee, and also ask him if she inherited any properties near New York University.

“Well, let’s see Ms. Rockefeller, I have here a list of over 500 properties that you’ve inherited and that’s not even objects of value. Some of those are being stored in different storage centers in the northeast, and not just in this area, but all over the world we have storage compartments being used to store valuable objects that you have inherited from your grandfather over the years. It might be time to start going through everything and decided if you would like to hold an auction or a museum donation, charitable event, something like that and possible clear up some of the items that are not personally valuable to you. I know it’s a lot, but ma’am your family’s legacy was mostly passed to you and not your father…That’s why there is clearly so much for you to go through. It could take several lifetimes. It might be best for you to start a conglomerate to do some of the decision making for you. It’s just something to think about.”

Eliza rubbed her temples. She loved this stuff. She lived for this stuff. But there was only so much time. She had to live, she had to dream, she had to fall in in love, and travel, and be a CEO, and maybe she was a student, and an author, and if she was constantly just making decisions she couldn’t fully realize her true potential. Being surrounded by historical objects sometimes was fun, but there was more to life than old dusty things from the past. Especially when they were supposedly magical and brought people back to life.

Being someone who had been around the rich and famous, you hear such tales all the time, magical treatment it heals all wounds, i know someone who can clone humans, this person traveled to mars and came back to earth. all of these things, sometimes it’s like, well what’s true and what’s not? Eliza was almost sure of the fact that she had in her purse right now an extremely valuable and dangerous object.

“Mr. George, do you think that you could get passports for two american citizens right away, and also legally admit them to a university after getting the background check that was done on them from my company and then doing a new more recent background check?”

“That seems simple enough. We have the connections. Do you need a travel visa, or a work visa?”

“I’m not sure yet, but right now a passport is what we need immediately and I will find out the details of my next move as soon as possible. Thank you so much Mr. George. The employees names are Shelly and Rosie. Also, I need Personal Assistant hiring documentation for them and Tax forms, and I will need a list of all the properties within a close proximity to New York University. Also I need a list of former contractors still on good terms with my grandfather who are young enough to work or they know someone trustworthy to work with the family.”

“I can get this to you as soon as possible. I think I know you well enough to know what is most important.”

A few hours later, a doorman brought some documents to Eliza’s loft. She gratefully accepted and went back inside and got ready for the day. It was Saturday so she wasn’t concerned about getting that much done.

She got a text from her aunt –

From: Aunt Gen

To: Eliza

Hello, Eliza it was actually the perfect time for you to reach out. I heard on the internet you are modeling for Nailed IT. That is absolutely wonderful I have always encouraged you to model and be the beautiful woman you are, but more publicly ūüôā I would love to go to the Russian Tea Room and meet your new friends. A little bit of caviar and champagne is exactly what I need. How about the 2 o’clock seating?

From: Eliza

To: Aunt Gen

Yes, Auntie Gen, I agree – 2 sounds nice, a late lunch is nice sometimes, that’s what I’m doing today as well. Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. Would you like some tickets to the event?? (Do you know anything about my mom being sick?)

Eliza was consumed with guilt at asking her aunt about her mother. Her aunt hardly ever contacted her mother, but Eliza would hate to ask her mother over the phone or email if she was sick. She couldn’t believe her dad, and her grandfather’s email was just, bizarre.

From: Aunt Gen

To: Eliza

Ah, I love it when people call me Auntie, it makes me feel so YOUNG. I’m not aware of anything about your mom. I have not spoken to her in ages. I would love tickets to the event. If your friend needs any models, please let me know. We have many who need work here, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind going to Boston and promoting Nailed IT before the event either….

From: Eliza

To: Bethany

Hey bae – I was talking to Auntie Gen today, and she wanted to know if I could get her free tickets to your Nailed It event, (I promised her I could) also she wanted to volunteer that you could use her models, obviously they would have to be paid (she makes no sense), but anyways I just wanted to throw you that thought balloon. I will still def be going beebee.

From: Aunt Gen

To: Eliza

HELLO? Do you want my models or not? I’m like needing an answer asap.

From: Eliza

To: Aunt Gen

Yes, I’m here, It’s not my decision because it’s not my runway. I’m waiting for a response. Please check yourself before you wreck yourself. Also, the only drink you need before 5 is a bloody mary. And you should only have one. Please check yourself. xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo.

From: Aunt Gen

To: Eliza

??? Alright, I’m sensing some negative vibes coming from you Miss ELIZA. I think you should check yourself. IF you are going to send me hugs and kisses, you shouldn’t be giving me drinking advice!!! XXXXX|

From: Eliza

To: Aunt Gen

I don’t think you got my message or my vibes. I’m caring about you in sort of a honest type of way. I”m sorry if that came across in a way that you didn’t like. Please, allow me to say sorry. Sorry auntie gen. I would love to ¬†spend time with you at russian tea room soon. please wait for my friend to decide if she needs your help. thx.

From: Bethany

To: Eliza

Sorry E, I can’t help with any of it! I gave away my last free ticket to you! I’m so sorry, we have all the models we need, so I can’t help. I know aunt gen’s a mess usually, and i totally know how you feel, my cousin susie is a wreck right now. i have to drive her home from the bars all the time. :<

From: Eliza

To: Aunt Gen

Sorry, bad new they are all out of free tix, but the good news is I’m getting you a ticket on me. Save the date!

From: Aunt Gen

To: Eliza

Wait a sec, hun, so you, ask me if i would like a free ticket before you even ask the host if they have any left?

From: Eliza

To: Aunt Gen

Gotta go, ttyl BYE! xo

WOOOO. that was a horrible thing to live through.

Eliza was in the writing mood (obviously with the amount of emails and texts she had just written along with her extremely short diary entry) so she decided it was time to make another Blog post reviewing a journal she had received from italy.


Welcome one and all to the one and only blog of ELIZA ROCKEFELLER.

this is me.

this is a place that i come to write.

but it’s not the only place.

i recently discovered a new place that i like to write thanks to my great friends in italy – FABRIANO.

I received a luxurious notebook and fountain pen, along with a ballpoint pen, to try and I have just LOVED all of it.

I have used the pens to write thank you cards to some friends who sent me some makeup, and I mailed them in snail mail! I I written some personal diary entries in my new notebook and the great thing about fountain pens is you can change the color of ink that you are using but use the same pen for the rest of your life! My pen is sort of a heavyweight pen and luxe type of silver with etchings in it. gorgeY.

love all of it.

the paper in this notebook isn’t TOO heavy weight but my ink doesn’t bleed through even if I decide to use markers.

i love that, i can be an artist and make an art journal, or i can make a calendar, or use it to keep track of things, to do lists, blank notebooks are incredibly useful if you have an imagination and fabriano crafts so many types of notebooks i would be writing all day long every day if i had the time.

i am in the process of hiring some personal assistants & i’m considering having them only use fabriano materials i love their paper and pens so much. their design is so elegant and simple. minimalist , and blatant it’s wonderful.

I feel like i’m a queen and i’m just writing in a notebook it’s great.

the price for the notebook is around 10 american dollars.

the fountain pen is somewhere around 150$

and the ballpoint pen is around $40.

it’s great to change things up sometimes. i love decorating things in my notebook with stickers and washi tape.

anyways fabriano was great and they are going to donate some notebooks to some lucky winners of an instagram contest i set up. please upload pictures of your favorite fabriano products on your wishlist, or stuff that you are currently using. and use hashtag #fabrianowins and my hashtag #elizasblog the winner will find out in 4 days.

thanks everyone and i will talk to you soon!

peace love eliza

rosie and shelly woke up and came into the kitchen at the smell of lunch being served by a chef that eliza called in occasionally. he was serving croissants fresh fruit and best of all spinach pochettes.

everybody was happy and calm and peaceful and eliza was like, “dear lord, I’d like to thank Henri for his skills at cooking, I’d like to thank you for providing all of the fruits and all of the other things we need, and I’m so thankful for everything you have provided. I have had a great day so far, I will try not to drink to excess again. I’m sorry for my sins, and please guide me on the right path. Thank you for your assistance in my life. I love you Lord. Amen.”

everyone kind of looked at her like she was crazy, and she was just like, “what? i’m thankful? I believe…”

and after a moment of silence they began to silently pray while eliza was eating her food.

this lasted for several minutes. eliza wasn’t sure if her wealth and power had an effect on them but she knew that she had ¬†legitimate relationship with jesus and their relationship was none of her business.

“So I’d like to discuss a proposition with you ladies. I would like not only for you to become my personal assistants. I would like to offer you a free college education in whatever major is available at New York University. You will come with me almost everywhere I go, and help me accomplish what I believe is most important and help me prioritize things. There’s a lot of stuff happening and I have no where to “put it”.

The fact that you are my personal assistant will remain somewhat of a secret. Mostly you will publicly be my friend, and at all times I will need to to talk to about everything that’s happening. You will be given a promotion at work, and you will be given a free place to live (with me,) and we will all be going to college together. The most difficult part of this, is I sort of wanted you to major in what I major in, because that way we can all go to classes together all the same classes have the same schedules and stuff.

Shelly looked really happy and excited, “This is the opportunity that comes once in a lifetime, I’m SO IN.

Rosie was more hesitant, “Will we be able to have our own rooms? And like sex in them? And can we see our families? Can we have personal time?

Eliza had already thought this through, “When I’m with my family, you will be there, and when you are with your family, I will need to be there but if you need privacy I can go to a different room as long as I’m in the house.”

Rosie smiled. “That sounds nice.”

Eliza was very stern,” You can’t have these horrible escapades that end me on the tabloids. I will be with you all the time which makes me 3x as much as risk as before.”

Shelly was like, “right…”

“You will both have to sign non-disclosure agreements about your relationship to me.

We met at work, we became friends at work. That’s the truth, that’s what happened. I invited you back to my house, and we’ve been close ever since then. That’s what happened. That’s the story, that’s not just a story, that’s the truth, and that’s the only thing the public will ever know. You still work for me, we are really close friends, and we hit it off and we go everywhere together.”

“mhmmm.” Shelly was working this out in her head.

“Well, if you have to make us sign a non-disclosure agreement. That means you haven’t told us what the secret is. Why you are really hiring us, Why you are giving us a free education and a place to live. IT’s not just because you need personal assistants and friends.”

“No, no it’s not. THere’s a lot more to it than just that. But that’s a major part of what it is and that’s the majority for the next few years of what will be going on as far as I can tell. There is a risk. You don’t have to do this. You can walk out of here knowing what you know and you will be able to keep your job and still address me as Eliza and I will still like you more than the majority of my employees. But you won’t be going to Europe with me and you won’t be going to college with me, and there won’t be a bedroom here for you and also closer to the university. You won’t be receiving the same promotion you would have if you agree to this, though you will still receive a promotion, and I will have to find other people to substitute for the people I genuinely like and want to spend time with Rosie and Shelly. Your life was going in one direction. You worked at my company, and one of you was going to be a secretary pining after a masogonist prick for the rest of your life, and the other was a sales and support employee who wanted to be noticed so she spent almost all of her money at J Crew every time they had a sale.

If you accept this opportunity there will be men and women who know who you are. You will be given free stuff all the time, Shelly you could model at J Crew, and get free clothes after a show, and with the amount you will be getting paid you will have the time and money to buy whatever you want from J Crew, you can raid my closet all you want.

But let me tell you something ladies. Life isn’t about clothes, money, food, expensive things, connections….

It’s about moments. The moments we share with the people we love. IT’s about being happy because we are in a moment of bliss and we have everything we need and want and we are above this body we are in. we are infinite, we are not man or woman, we are not peace or love, we are not immortal, we are not life and death, we are in a moment that is infinity itself. it will be preserved lifetimes after we are gone, in a memory that is lost. everyone that knew us is dead. we are dead. hopefully i will be in heaven with my lord and savior because those are my beliefs, but the point is that the life i lived here on earth is over and that moment of everything being perfect, that is FOREVER. so as many of those moments i can have, i’m going to take them, and rosie, shelly, i just know, i want to have a lot of my special moments like that, with you.”

they just stared, looking at her, they had not really seen this side of eliza before. a deep abyss ocean of swarming thoughts.

rosie was first to break the silence, “well, i concur, madame presidente, because i can tell that i just had a moment, right then….”

eliza burst out laughing.

shelly said, “ha, me too!”

eliza said in an evil villainish way, “new york university isn’t going to know what hit them. ladies. we have to begin our preparations. step one. look the part. you guys need to borrow clothes from my closet because no one has seen you guys wearing those before so they are new to you. step two, i will ask my grandmother to let us please get accepted into a sorority – the same one she was a member of delta phi epsilon. it’s history is quite unique, the first jewish sorority ever to exist. wonderful. so i’ll ¬†make a call soon to talk to her about rush season which isn’t happening until next fall. we will have all summer to prepare everything and talk to a lot of alumni and the current president.

step three choose a major that we all like and will benefit us. I think art would be the best choice.”

“me too” agreed rosie

“i guess that will help me out” said shelly.

“don’t worry” eliza reminded shelly,” you get to minor in something as well. you pick…”
“okay… ¬†how about history!” shelly excitedly said.

“um, if we are going to major in art and minor in history, it would be a lot easier to just major in art history don’t you think? i mean, if they have that major…”

“that sounds way harder than art” said rosie.

“but way more benefical….”said eliza.

“true…” said rosie.

“but if we major in art history we won’t have a minor anymore.” reminded shelly.

“oh yeah.” said rosie.

“art would be way more fun than history.”eliza agreed.

“okay so we major in art. shelly, what do you want to minor in that’s generally beneficial and easy.”

“okay, um, well i think that economics is too hard, and business is too hard, so like maybe political science would be cool.”

“that would be fun, but it’s not useful, none of us are going to be avid politicians. if we were going to go to law school or med school we would rather major in philosophy which is easier and less people are in the classes and it’s way more fun.” eliza countered.

“really?” said rosie

“Yes, i know for a fact that students that take philosophy have a higher chance of getting into medical and law schools.” eliza said in a self-assured way.

“wow.” said rosie. “I don’t even know what that is.”

“it’s really difficult to explain. but basically it’s a school of thought.” eliza tried to argue.

“i thought that’s what psychology was.” said shelley.

eliza rolled her eyes, “are you guys for real? psychology is the study of how the human brain works and how we interact with others and stuff.”

rosie was still a bit drunk, “i thought that was psychiatry. or sociology or something.”

eliza was sure, “no rosie. it’s not. it’s psychology. and we are not majoring in psychology or psychiatry because that’s not a real major and we are not going to major in sociology because that’s what you major in if you want to be like a social worker or something.”

rosie was staring into space, “oh.”

eliza wasn’t sure rosie could handle college, “rosie, i need you to be smart about this, are you really ready to go to college?”

rosie replied. “i don’t know. i want to be cool. i want to get a degree. I want to be successful. I want to be a million times smarter than i am now. but am i really ready to be like a hard worker? i’m not sure.”

eliza felt for her she really did. “rosie do you have a legitimate learning disability that you could privately disclose to the school or the company or maybe a different kind of disability?”

rosie finally snapped out of her trance like state and looked at eliza, “i think i have add. but i have so many cool things about me. i’m creative and smart, and i have good ideas, and i have really good fashion, i just sometimes need help.”

eliza realized that they needed a guy on their #squad, in order to complete this goal that she had.

Shelly, do you know any OTHER smart guys at Beta that are unhappy with their jobs?

shelly, thought for a moment, “well, i think that like, robert could possibly be cool enough to be smart enough to hang out with us.”

“shelly, what department does he work in?”

“the Creative Design team, whatever that is….”

“omg…. SHELLY, why didn’t you mention this before? like right after I fired Marco?”

“I was a bit distraught.”

“yeah. well now we know where everything has been happening with you two. I am taking you guys under my wing. You guys are going to be smarter, Robert or whoever we pick is going to be you guys and my personal tutor at college, and he is going to help us lead the new project at work, and we are going to EUROPe…”

so those were the announcements that eliza made and then shelly and rosie began filling out the necessary paperwork and then playing in Eliza’s closet when Eliza called her lawyer and had him bring over an assistant to fill out their college applications and discuss the terms of the nondisclosure agreement, and passport forms.

Eliza felt the day coming to a close with new friends, her family was coming together, fuming warnings from her grandfather that she pushed aside, a weird message from her father, and an exciting life to look forward to.



In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “1984.”

the room is a huge expanse, i can’t see the walls, the floor is white cold tile, there is a cold air conditioned wind gust blowing througout the place, the room is so large it goes on for miles and all i can see is just cold dirty white tile. there are no beds, there is nothing, it is completely barren. i have no one there with me, i’m alone in there.

it’s just cold white and empty, when i talk i hear an echo but it’s not a nice kind of echo that i can make music with it’s the sort of reverb that causes you to not be able to think because your voice is so loud that you can’t think and sing or make any noise at all, you can’t explore, you can’t move, you have to be still and huddle in yourself for the most warmth. ¬†all you have is a tank top and some gym shorts and some tennis shoes which will never smell thank god thanks to the air conditioning. in fact you can’t smell anything at all except for the smell of dust which is being blown at you by the air conditioning system.

you are locked in one spot unable to move, this is my prison, this is my fear, this is where my mind is not wanting to go, completely alone and by myself in a cold bright place that is dusty and old. i’d rather be encosled in a clean warm space with another person i like that i can spend time with forever locked in a prison with them. and island of miserable deserted by space and time and nothing moves, except for me and him.

25 things i did before i turned 25

  1. i said my first word – bubble followed shortly by heart, and star.
  2. i wrote a story.
  3. i wrote a song.
  4. i performed on stage.
  5. i met my favorite celebrity.
  6. I traveled out of the country.
  7. I became a Christian.
  8. I lost faith: I came back to Christ.
  9. I went on a cruise.
  10. I learned to play piano.
  11. I learned to read music.
  12. I went to therapy.
  13. I went to the mental hospital.
  14. I had major surgery.
  15. I got pnemonia.
  16. I had an iPhone.
  17. I got drunk.
  18. I lost my v-card.
  19. I went to college.
  20. I had a boyfriend.
  21. I was/became an artist.
  22. I learned what it meant to fail.
  23. I learnt that it’s nearly impossible to waste time.
  24. I loved + lost.
  25. I became obsessed.

NOVEMBER 12 2015 #paperlovestory30Dchallenge day 12

what are your favorite memories?

I have protected people’s names for mine and their privacy

A and I holding hands

A and I pretending we are condiments

A andI having a serious talk (a lot of times)

A and I swinging

B and I swinging

B bopping my nose and telling me I was the cutest one and we also had a lot of serious talks

A making me a friendship bracelet the first time I met him.

A crying when he thought I was dead or lost forever.

B G listening to a walkman.

B G telling me he had a crush on me

B G being jealous of my crushes on B and A.

B G trying to be the middleman and paperboy between B A, and I.

sadly I never ended up with any of them. they are all lost to me forever.

R F admitting he liked Lost.

R F trying to convince me to watch Heroes after I had watched it live like 4 years before.

R F admitting I was his best friend on New Years.

R F and I talking about psychology.

R F & I’s skype sleepover.

R F tickling me.

R F holding me in the parking lot.

R F getting into the empty bathtub.

My parents like every thanksgiving.

My parents slowly realizing they LOVED Arrow.

My mom admitting Arrow was hot and Grant Gustin was cuter than Arrow.

R S when he got his first Koala Crate.

Meeting Z (the cooler one) for the first time (sort of)

My reaction to the realization that he stole my idea.

My reaction to his new boyfriend’s face.

My reaction that he lied to my face.

My realization that he lied about R W.

C A’s commentary.

Maxwell massaging me after surgery.

Caring about a person that died.

The women’s conference.

The walk through bethlehem.

like every choir performance ever.

joining the church

my experience learning about catholocism.

my realization that sororities aren’t important.

my realization that a college degree was unimportant to me (it’s a #piece of paper)



going and printing out every possible calendar and activity page the universe has to offer.

#being excited

#something else